Pain Is All I Ever Knew
by JacobBlack18
Summary: From the moment his dad passed away to the moment he was reunited with Bella to their wedding day, Jacob Black has endured pain and happiness in so many ways. This story tells of his suffering and enjoyment of the most important events in his life.
1. Chapter 1

His Last Breath

Two eight year old boys by the name of Jacob Black and Ethan Black was outside in the front yard playing with their twin sisters Rachel and Rebecca. Jacob was chasing his sisters with a worm he had dug up from his mother's garden. Ethan was sitting on the porch laughing at the scene in front of him.

A black sedan turned the corner onto the driveway as they drove towards the house, dust kicking up behind it. All the kids stopped to look as the car pull into a stop. Jacob dropped the worm and watched as a man in a all black suit and hat with a lot of shiny metals hanging from his suit walked up the walk way towards the house.

Their mother, Sarah, opened the door and approached the man.

"Mrs. Black I'm General James Antle. I am sorry to inform you that you're husband Billy Black was lost in battle." The man stated. Then the kids watched as their strong will mother broke down and cried. The man pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Black. I hope you know that you're husband served his country with true honor and pride. I'm so sorry for your loss."

Their mother cried and cried into the man's shoulder. Jacob turned to look at Ethan and he turned to look at him. Rachel and Rebecca looked at each other. The kids knew that something was seriously wrong with their dad. They all ran up to their mother and the man.

"Mommy, is Daddy okay?" Jacob asked his mother. Sarah removed herself from the man's shoulder and turned to her kids. She was trembling as she try to spoke.

"No honey, your dad is not okay," she stuttered out as she kneeled to the ground and all four of her children ran into her arms.

She cried holding onto her children for dear life. As of that moment, they were the only ones keeping her somewhat strong. Her kids held onto her and tried to figure out what had happened to their father.

"Mrs. Black, your husband left this letter with us. It was said to give to you if he never returns." Their mother pulled away from them wiping her tears away as she grabbed the white envelope from the man.

"Again I'm sorry for your lost Mrs. Black. The funeral arrangements had already been made and taken care of. This envelope will explain everything of the funeral process and includes a list of people to be invited. If there's anyone else you like me to invite please do call the number on the list. I'm here to help you and your family through this grieving time. Anything you need please let me know."

Sarah Black nodded and took the letter from the man and he walked away and back into his car and it sped away. Sarah ushered the kids into the house as she walked into the kitchen. All the kids sat down and waited on their mother to explain what had happened to their father. Jacob stood up after 5 minutes not hearing from his mom. He walked into the kitchen to find his mother on the floor crying into the phone.

"Harry… he's dead Harry… he's dead… I have no idea what I'm going to do without him," he heard her whimpered into the reciever. He can hear Harry try to soothe her as he said he was on his way. The dial tone went dead as Harry hung up and was rushing to their house. He watched as his mother sat on the floor crying her eyes out.

"_He's dead….he's dead…." _Those words rang through Jacob's ears. Many thoughts ran through his brain as he processed what he just heard. He shook his head and refused to believe that his father was dead. He felt tears start to spill over his eyes and he ran out of the kitchen and down the hall into his and Ethan's room. Her brother and sisters got up abrubtly as they saw Jacob run into the room. They knew that at that moment, nothing was ever going to be the same.

A few minutes later, Harry Clearwater was knocking on the door. Rachel opened it. She looked up at Harry and Sue carrying their little bundle of joy, Leah.

"Sue, she's probably in the kitchen," he said and she nodded taking Leah in her carriage with her into the kitchen to consult her mother. Harry looked around the living room. He spotted Rachel, Rebecca, and Ethan but Jacob was no where in site.

"Racheal where's Jacob?" Harry asked.

"He ran into his room," Racheal pointed in the direction of the room. Harry closed the door and walked slowly into Jacob and Ethan's room. He knocked first and was answered with a 'go away' and a muffled cry. Harry opened the door and there Jacob was lying on his bed with his face in the pillow crying.

"Jake are you okay?" Harry asked stepping into the room. Jacob looked up at him with red puffy eyes and tears streaming down his face.

"Is it true? Is he dead?" Jacob asked. Harry walked over and sat down on the bed next to Jacob. Harry simply nodded and Jacob burst into more tears. Harry pulled him onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him.

"Shhhhh…..shhhh…it'll be okay Jake. It'll be okay," Harry whispered as he tried to comfort an eight-year-old boy who he knew was going to be scar for life. Ethan, Rachel, and Rebecca watched the scene unfold in front of them. Tears streamed down their eyes as they realized that their father was never coming back.

Two days later, dressed up in black, they all went to the funeral. Their mother cried for two nights straight. During the day she would stay strong and cook and keep herself busy so she wouldn't break in front of the kids. But at night, they can hear their mother break and cry herself to sleep. Sue and Harry were over during the day to help her with funeral arrangements. Charlie Swan would check in every so often. Jacob refused to talk to anyone.

As they stand there in the graveyard and the guns rang one last shot and they lowered Billy Black into the ground. One by one people came over and picked up a handful of dirt and dropped onto the coffin that had disappeared six feet under. Charlie wrapped an arm around their mother and walked away with her. Rachel, Rebecca, and Ethan turned to follow their mother. Jacob stood where he was and watched as men shoveled dirt into the hole that his father was laying in.

Ethan noticed his brother and turned back to get him.

"Jake?" Ethan asked. Jacob continued to stare and stood there till the hole was covered up in dirt. Ethan watched waiting for Jacob to budge. Jacob closed his eyes and released a breath that he seemed to be holding onto. He turned to face his brother.

"Let's go," he spoke his first few words in two days and walked away with Ethan towards the car. Never once did he look back.

**AN: Inspired by This Ain't Nothin' by Craig Morgan. RxR**


	2. Chapter 2

The Time I Fell For Her

Jacob Black was sixteen when he re-met Isabella Swan. After her mother and Charlie's bitter divorce, she moved away with her mother to sunny Florida at the age of 5.

Charlie and his mother told him that they used to be inseparable at such a young age. Jacob was born a month ahead of Bella. At Bella's first birthday Jacob had laid a big smooch on her cheek when Rachel and Rebecca slammed a piece of cake into her face and she was crying hysterically. That had made her stop crying and ever since then Jacob has been giving her a kiss on the cheek whenever she cries or when it's her birthday before she blew out the candles.

Charlie of course the ever protective father, didn't like it one bit. But Billy, Sarah, and Renee had convinced him that it was just kids' play so Charlie let it go. Now standing on the Blacks' porch watching his teenage daughter flirt with Jacob was making him have doubts from those kisses.

Sarah was telling Bella and Jacob of the time they were playing out in the yard after a huge rainstorm and they were making mud pies. She was small back then but man can she push. She pushed him head first into one of the pies. Jacob ran into the house crying and Bella's smile fell and her laughter died as she watched him run away. She started to cry herself and ran after Jacob into the house. She found him in the kitchen where his mother was cleaning the mud off his face. Bella went up to him and placed a kiss on his cheek to make him stop crying.

"I'm sworry Jakey," little Bella said. Jacob looked at her.

"It's okay." Jacob nodded and they ran back outside.

Jacob's face went red as she told them the part where he ran home crying like a baby. Bella laughed at his tomato red face.

"Gosh Bella you've been gone too long," Jacob said making her stop laughing and smiled at him.

"Yeah, way too long." She replied looking into his eyes earning a smile from him. Sarah had gotten up and left them alone heading into the house as Ethan step out of the house with a piece of pizza looking at the scene Charlie was watching. He swallowed the piece whole. Ethan and Jacob have grown quite…big you can say. Both had six packs and bulging biceps.

Charlie had to admit when he saw them a couple months ago; he thought they were on steroids. They assured him that they weren't; just working out to impress the ladies. Rachel and Rebecca had left for college two years ago leaving their brothers to take care of their mother.

"Cute," Ethan said looking a Jacob and Bella. Charlie turned to him and back to them letting out a growl he didn't mean to.

"Oh come on Charlie, Jake's a good guy and from the looks of things, he really seems to like her," Ethan pointed out sitting next to him on the porch swing.

Charlie quickly realized that Ethan was right. Jacob was a gentleman, the nicest guy in the world. He knew that he would never hurt Bella or let anything hurt her. Jake was good for her.

"Hey Bella, wanna go for a walk on the beach behind the forest?" Jacob asked. Bella gleamed with happiness at the suggestion.

"Yeah!" she agreed and they both got up and started walking back to the house.

"Hey dad, can Jake and I go to the beach?" Bella asked Charlie. His face went red and started to shake when Bella interrupted.

"Please Daddy! I swear we'll be careful, no funny business! We'll be back before dawn!" Bella begged. Charlie looked to Jacob and he nodded in agreement. Charlie growled.

"Fine but be back by dawn and no going into the water. It's freezing cold, that water."

"Okay, thanks Dad."

And they were off towards First Beach. They walked down a path that was made to lead to the beach. They walked next to each other and talked about old times and new things happening in their lives.

Charlie had agreed to let Bella move in with him and she was going to school at Forks High. Jacob was elated at the news that she was staying permanently but sadden at the idea that she was going to Forks High and not La Push. Then again it would be a long drive if she did go there. Maybe he can transfer there….

Wait what is he thinking? Has he totally just fallen head over heels in love with Bella Swan that he was willing to transfer schools? Was he out of his mind? Who knows but all Jacob knew was that Bella made him feel like nothing he had ever felt before with any other girl.

He had fallen for Isabella Swan and he was determined to ask her out on a date before the night ends. When they arrived on the beach, Bella gasped at the sight of the ocean waves meeting the sandy shores.

"Jake this place is beautiful!" she said turning to Jacob. He smiled at her.

"I know a place where the view is even more beautiful, come on," Jacob grabbed her hand pulling her towards another path. They walked up a slant for almost ten minutes before they came to a clear view. Bella ran up ahead letting go of Jacob's hand. He hadn't realized he was holding onto her hand the entire time while walking up the slant.

She gasped at the site before her. The sun's rays were shining down on the clear blue water below her as she watched from a cliff high above where she and Jake were just at.

"You're so lucky Jake," she said. He walked up behind her.

"Why do you say that?" he asked.

"You get to look out on such a beautiful landscape like this every day."

"Don't you have beaches in Florida?" Jacob asked sarcastically.

"Most of the time it's occupied by hundreds of people, it's not empty like First Beach. Not to mention we don't have cliffs to climb up to see something this beautiful."

"I've seen things more beautiful Bella." She turned to him staring at her.

"Do you have another place that you want to show me?" she asked with hope in her eyes. Jacob laughed.

"Actually I do but how about another time. It's almost dawn and we promised your dad we would be back by then."

"Oh right, well I guess we should get going." She walked passed him and started to walk back down the slant.

"Wait, Bella I wanted to ask you something." She turned to look at him and he walked over to her.

"I know you just got back and I'm so happy you are. I don't know if this is a little too soon but I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime?"

She stared at him for awhile not knowing what to say.

"Jake…"

"I understand if you don't want to. I just…I don't know… when you walked out of Charlie's cruiser earlier and I didn't know who you were at that moment, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever met. Then when Charlie and Sue said we use to play with each other as kids before you moved away, the feeling only got stronger. I'm sorry if I'm throwing all of this at you so soon but I wanted you to know that."

Bella smiled that heart warming smile at Jacob.

"Such a charmer Jacob; I would love to go out with you," she replied. A smile that reached his ears appeared on Jacob's handsome face.

"Really? Oh that's great Bells!" he pulled her into a hug and lifted her up off the ground twirling her around. She giggled and he thought that was the best sound he had ever heard.

"So how about eight tomorrow night? I'll pick you up and we can head out to Port Angeles for a formal dinner then maybe come back here for a walk on the beach?" he asked setting her down but kept him in her arms.

"That sounds lovely." Jacob smiled and grabbed her hand as they walked back towards the house.

When they arrived Charlie spotted them holding hands and immediately turned red from anger. Ethan noticed.

"Hey Jake, Bella you're back," Ethan greeted them. Jacob and Bella's hands untangled from each other and looked up at Ethan and Charlie.

"Yeah we are," Jacob stated smiling down at Bella. She returned it with glee.

"Did you guys have fun?" Charlie gritted through his teeth.

"Yeah we did. Jacob showed me this amazing view from a cliff. It was so beautiful," Bella piped up before noticing Charlie's death glare at Jacob.

"Dad you okay?"

"What? Oh yeah I'm fine, I think it's time we left." Charlie got up and walked to the cruiser saying goodbye to Ethan. Bella looked up at Jacob and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'll see you tomorrow night," she said before kissing him on the cheek and running after her father. Jacob and Ethan waved goodbye to them as they drove off.

"Tomorrow night?" Ethan asked quirking an eyebrow at Jacob. Jacob sat down next to him.

"Yeah I asked her out to dinner in Port Angeles tomorrow night at eight." Ethan started to laugh. Jacob looked at him confused.

"What?" he asked.

"Dude you are so going to get killed by Charlie."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because while you guys were off enjoying the view; we were talking about stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Stuff; like you and Bella possibly dating and how he hates the idea of a boy dating his little girl."

"Crap." Ethan laughed and then he turned to look at Jake.

"Listen Jake, I want to talk to you about something." Jacob looked up at him and saw his serious face.

"What is it?"

"I've been thinking about what I'm going to do after high school."

"Oh, okay and?"

"Well I'm thinking about…" he took a breath and sat up straight.

"I'm thinking about joining the military." Jacob's face went cold.

"What? Are you out of your mind?"

"Jake, listen-"

"No you listen, we lost Dad because he wanted to go to war and be some hero. I am not going to let you do this!"

"Jacob Dad was a hero; I want to follow in his footsteps."

"Do you want to die too?"

"It's not like that Jake. It's what I want to do. I want to serve this country. I want to protect the people."

"The people can protect themselves!"

"Jake I think this is good for me."

"I won't let you do it. I won't let myself and this family go back to the days where we were in hell! Dammit Ethan I'm not going to go through another period of depression! I'm not ready for that, I'm not ready to lose you!"

"Jacob you're not going to lose me. I can be in war for three years then return home and never be active again if I want to."

"No, anything can happen out there Ethan you know that! You can't promise me you'll come back alive."

"And you can't promise me I can't."

"Ethan you can't do this. There's plenty you can do after high school."

"Jacob-"

"No, I'm done talking about this." Jacob grabbed the front door and slammed it hard.

Ethan took a deep breath; he knew Jacob was going to take this very hard. His mother walked out onto the porch.

"He didn't take it very well," she stated more than questioned. Ethan looked up to her.

"I guess he's still not over what happened with Dad."


End file.
